


IT WAS A PLEASURE TO BURN

by charliejones4505



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Arsonist, Arsonist Harry, Bad Boy Harry, Bad Boy Harry Styles, Barely Harry and Zayn, Bottom Louis, Cop louis, Drug Abuse, Drug Addict Harry, Drug Addiction, Harry Burns Things, Harrys Family Died, M/M, More tags later, Police, Tattoo Artist Zayn, Tattoo artist Harry, Top Harry, drug addict, tattoo artist - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-14
Updated: 2021-02-20
Packaged: 2021-03-10 00:15:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 17,653
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27555208
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/charliejones4505/pseuds/charliejones4505
Summary: To Harry, nothing compared to the way flames licked up the walls, the orange and red was constantly glinting in his forest coloured eyes creating a beautiful medley of colours, It was a sense of release, knowing that somehow someone had it worse than him, that someone had to suffer more than he has to in his awful life, in some sick and twisted way it was calming.To Louis, Harry was an insufferable eighteen year old who just needed to be taught a lesson, but louis was also mesmerised, in the boy that saw orange, in the boy that had seen and experienced so much pain, that all he wanted to do was cope. Louis was transfixed by the mystery of Harry Styles,ORIn which Harry is an arsonist who just wants someone to sympathise with his pain, and Louis is a cop who just wants the burning to stop.“IT WAS A PLEASURE TO BURN” - Fahrenheit 451
Relationships: Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson, Harry Styles/Zayn Malik
Kudos: 13





	1. I N T R O

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! Thank you so much for reading my fanfic! I’m still currently writing it! But i’ll try and update whenever i can ! :)  
> Also this is really short, but it’s the introduction so i promise chapters will get longer!!

The cacophony of whispers that followed Harry Styles down the street didn’t go unnoticed, he knew what he had done, they knew what he had done, what was the point in rising to it anymore? Well that’s what harry tried to tell himself as his fists were clenched to his side, he’s in his black skinny jeans that look painted on, a white t-shirt and a black tight leather jacket and his hair is flipped to the side, he looks like one of those stereotypical “bad boys” but, is it that far from the truth? He’s the type of person that when you walk past him in the street, you get your phone out to pretend like you’re texting, or you cross to the other side, he’s a stereotypical dick. And boy does he LIVE for that. 

When you think of the word “ARSONIST” you think of someone who sets things on fire just to joke around with their friends. Not Harry. Harry does it because when he sees the flames going up a wall or onto something, it ignites its own personal fire inside of him, he feels alive. He feels like a christian repenting for their sins, but for him he would burn into the pits of hell happily if it means he can live in the fire for the rest of his life. Harry is the devil in hell, while everyone else is an angel in heaven, and Harrys okay with that. 

The first day Harry meets Louis, he still isn’t quite sure what happened, it’s almost like a constant haze in his mind, a personally induced amnesia, just so he can forget the exact details of meeting those icy blue eyes for the first time. 

It was his second time lighting something on fire, well something big, he was 16. It was a huge dumpster, he’d filled it with fuel and paper, and lit it on fire, in hindsight he probably should’ve thought about the police sooner, but he was sixteen, the thought hadn’t really crossed his mind, when he heard the sirens for the first time, he didn’t realise they were for him, but when the car came to a stop next to him and the dumpster the realisation dawned on him, he tried getting away. But it was hopeless. “STOP WHERE YOURE GOING AND PUT YOUR HANDS BEHIND YOUR HEAD!” And Harry being the naive sixteen year old, complied, looking back on it he never would actually comply to the police again. 

He immediately got pushed to the ground, the sharp and throbbing pain in his wrist means that he had been handcuffed, and pushed into the car, yeah it was the first time, but no it definitely wouldn’t be the last time.

Now being an independent 18 year old, with no parents telling him what to do. For once he had freedom, for once he felt like he could do what he liked. He was untouchable. Invincible. Arguably he wasn’t, but the feeling of being untouchable, felt like nothing he’d ever felt before, it was the second best feeling in the world, the first being the feeling of pure bliss stood infront of something burning. 

Harry can’t remember the first time he felt the pure elation of watching something burn, maybe it was watching fire as a child, his mother always had a burning log fire, and watching it gave him a form of peace, from his painful and destructive life. 

It’s hard being “the other one” in the family and in Harrys defence that’s exactly what he was.Overlooked. Overshadowed, by his older sister Gemma, always trying to be his best, but his best wasn’t like Gemma. But he still loved her unconditionally, and no matter what happened he would never put her in harms way. And she was what lead to him finding the flame, like a moth drawn to a light. 

Harry was 14 when his mother, father and sister died. He didn’t know what to feel, he felt nothing. And he hated himself for it. The only people who had ever loved you your entire life, even if you were overlooked and overshadowed, they were family, they were his entire world, his whole life. And he wanted to find the warmth that he got when he was around his family, and he did that in the only way he knew how. Fire and destruction. It started off small, stealing a lighter from Jen and Steph (his adopted mother’s, although he still refused to call them mum, because to him they weren’t, they’re were just gaps, a bridge in his life) and burning small pieces of paper, those smaller pieces of paper got bigger, and then they turned to paper bins filled unsurprisingly with paper, and then he turned to dumpsters, and finally, his new mission.Houses. 

The first house he burnt was an old abandoned one off the beaten track, he never wanted to harm people, that was never his aim. He could remember this day clearly, the bubbling excitement of his first burning house, and the elation when it went up in flames.He felt like breathing in the smoke and flames, to him, was like a breath of fresh air, like he needed to set things on fire to be able to breathe, maybe to him he did. But to everyone else in this town he was like a petulant child who just wasn’t quite right in the head. To Harry all he was doing was surviving, doing anything he could to survive and breathe, because deep down he knew that if he didn’t set things on fire, things would get a lot worse.


	2. O N E

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry has a rough day, and by rough it means that Louis is always there and harry hates it, almost as much as he hates him

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! Okay here’s technically the first chapter, but kind of the second one, let me know what you think! Thank you for the kudos !! i’m still not sure about this chapter and if i think it’s too cringe or not, but let me know what you think and if you have any questions or anything, then feel free to leave a comment!! :)

ONE

Waking up cold and alone was one of Harry's least favourite sensations, it reminds him just how alone he is in this dark and cruel world. Slowly rolling out of bed and padding across the floor into the bathroom, he looks at his face in the mirror, slightly singed and blackened hair framed his face. Last night was a close call. He stepped into the blistering shower, it was just how he liked it. Hot. Just like the fires that harry loves so dearly. 

Shopping centres. The bane of Harrys existence, but he has to do something to make money to pay rent, and much to his dismay, burning things doesn’t pay the bills. He works in a small tattoo parlour tucked away inside the huge building with his best, and only friend Zayn. He wishes he could say he loved Zayn after the amount of times he’s fucked him, but he doesn’t. He just feels his empty heart slightly filling up, but not with love, with lust. 

Walking into the parlour he’s greeted by an empty shop, his favourite. Its a time when he can draw and design tattoos in peace, of course that silence didn’t last for long. The singing of the bell above the door suggested that someone had come in, that didn’t phase Harry though he continued his drawing for his 11:00am customer and said “give me a minute mate.” Not even bothering to look up from the drawing. 

When he did finally look up he was surprised “alright officer Tomlinson, didn’t expect to see you here, not coming to arrest me again?” Louis had a cold expression in his face “No mr Styles, i’m here to get a tattoo.” That took Harry by surprise he’d never expected cute, pristine officer Tomlinson to get tattoos, but thankfully for Harry, Zayn then walked out from the back, unsurprisingly smelling strongly of weed, “Alright H?” “Yeah Z” Harry replied, “So mr Tomlinson, what are you looking for?” “Well I was hoping i could get some writing across my chest.” “oh yeah? Harry replied now back to his signature smirk that constantly rested on his face. “And what do you want it to say?” “It is what it is” “Quite ironic for your job don’t you think?” “uh i- i-“ Louis stuttered “i’d never even thought about it to be honest” “well” Harry brushed over the blatant embarrassment on louis face “here’s the book of fonts, chose one you like and either me or Zayn will get it all ready” “ I was wondering if i could have you tattoo me specifically Harry?” This time Harry couldn’t contain the shock that overtook his face, his eyes bugged out from his skull. “Yeah sure” He replied, trying to keep a calm demeanour. 

“Also I’d like font 5 please.” “Yeah sure” he smiled, “ZAYN” “fucking hell WHAT H!” “set up room three for me and Mr Tomlinson here please” Both Harry and Louis could hear Zayn grumbling in the back, but neither of them mentions it. 

“I’ll just go to the toilet and wash my hands and i’ll be ready to start, just go into room three, and Zayn will tell you what to do” “Okay thanks Harry” Louis smiled, Harry was taken aback that the smile actually seemed genuine. 

Once in the toilet Harry ran his hands through his long mop of curls and sighed he was extremely tempted to snort a few lines or smoke a quick spliff, but he knew that louis would notice it right away and it could mess up his tattoo work, and that was something he didn’t want to jeopardise. He needed the money. And he enjoyed his job, it was something that could curb the need of burning things, well tattooing with the mix of some serious drugs that he and Zayn took quite often. 

Going back in the room Harry was scared, and that in itself scared him, he hadn’t been scared for years, not since...

“Hey Louis, I presume Zayn told you to fill out the paperwork? Louis scoffed, “Yeah I’m surprised he managed it because he was so high” Thats what angered Harry, Cops knew nothing, they didn’t understand how it felt to suffer, how it felt to live a life so scared of everything around them and that’s why Harry hates Louis, not because eye was a cop.Not at all, Harry knew Louis was just doing his job just like Harry is now by stabbing an electric needle into louis chest, no he hates Louis because Louis just doesn’t get it, Louis been sheltered his whole life he probably hasn’t even tasted alcohol. 

“You don’t know what Zayn has been through,” Harry mumbled a few minutes into the tattoo “That doesn’t stop him from being a drug addict though does it?” Louis said smugly, that enraged Harry, he had to take a few deep breaths to calm himself down, “ If you’re going to insult my friend then i’ll stop right now, and you’ll leave with a shit half finished tattoo.” That shut louis up. Harry continued tattooing in silence with the soft playing of Stevie Nicks and Fleetwood Mac in the background. Harry couldn’t wait to be finished he hadn’t smoked or anything today and he was itching to have anything, a cigarette, a spliff, or something harder. He wasn’t fussy, he just needed something. When Harry was finally done he felt his tense shoulders finally uncurl and relax, he was done, all Louis had to do was pay and he could finally go and see Zayn. “Right that will be £400 please” Louis makes the payment quickly much to Harrys delight. As soon as Louis left he changed the sign on the door to say CLOSED, “Zayn you can come out now” Harry bellowed, Zayn quickly scurried out from one of the back rooms “What the fuck was a COP doing in here” Harry sighed and blew out the smoke from the spliff he’d lit immediately after louis left, “I’ve got not a fucking clue Z” Harry inhaled and exhaled again “But what i do know is i need to relax and unwind” 

The loud thumping of the bass from the house could be heard all around, the perfect way to unwind. Alcohol. Drugs. Sex. Harrys stereotypical concoction for unwinding if he can’t burn something to the ground, especially after Louis visit to the shop, he’s way too paranoid. He knew exactly how his night would go, he would get drunk and high, and end up fucking Zayn in some shitty bathroom until the police are called and he has to make a run for it because he’s got too many things on his record. 

Feeling the pulsing of the music around him, Harry could finally let his hair down, both figuratively and literally, he had his hair in a man bun all day, and the relief of letting it down was the final push he needed to relax. 

Three hours, two lines, and lots of alcohol later, Harry was pressed against Zayn as they danced to the music in someone’s living room, to Harry this was freedom, this is why he moved out, so he could do what he wanted, who cares if his pupils were blown wide with both drugs and lust, everyone in here either didn’t know who he was or didn’t care that he was there, and that gave a Harry a sense of belonging he had longed for in his childhood. It was a beautiful contrast to the glares and whispers he would get into hw streets and how people should stay away from him, here people loved him, he was worshiped, and best of all they didn’t give a fuck who he was, he was fun and that’s all mattered, 

Of course until the familiar sounds of sirens pulled up, and Harry heard that oh so familiar voice that he’d only just heard earlier in the day “STOP EVERYBODY FREEZE” The boy with icy blue eyes said. Harry of course didn’t listen. He grabbed Zayn hand and sprinted out of there. He could be caught. Not again. The adrenalin mixed with drugs buzzed through his veins, as him and Zayn sprinted through a field, their legs were burning, but they couldn’t stop, just incase. Harry quickly whipped his head round just incase someone was following them, but to his surprise the fields behind them were empty. He screeched to a stop, and he heard Zayn puffing behind him. They were both a bit delirious, and probably still a bit high, but Harry grabbed Zayns hand and they strolled to their flat, smiling and laughing because once again they’d both out smarted supposedly the smartest people. And that made Harry feel ALIVE.


	3. T W O

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> somewhere along the way, Harry got lost and the lines got blurred

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so idk if they want me to mention their actual name, but this is for one of my best friends who has been helping me out so much with this fic so far and all the ideas, THANK YOU

TWO

Harry groans as soon as he wakes up, but then a smile graces his face, last night was a buzz, it’s a buzz he’s been chasing for a long time and he finally found it. But then he feels the pounding of his head and the stabbing behind his eyes, and he’s back to groaning like a teenager with their first hangover, face buried in his pillow. Suddenly he hears a clanking from the kitchen and a distinct “FUCK” from Zayn. “Zayn what have I said about breakfast leave it to me” The clanking continued and after a minute or so his bedroom door opened. Zayn walked in looking out of breath, but a smile gracing his face, he held a tray with a cup of tea and some scrambled egg on toast, “I was just trying to be nice.” He stated with a small pout, Harry thanked him and thirty minutes later Harry was showered and dressed and him and Zayn were out the door. 

Harry had absolutely no breaks at the tattoo parlour today, which was amazing, because when Louis came in again he could just shoo him away and make an appointment for him tomorrow, now if he was less busy he probably would’ve thought about how suspicious it was that Louis had come back again, and the fact when he went back into his tattoo room, he didn’t hear the bell atop the door ring until a few minutes later, Harry should’ve been paranoid, and yeah he was, but if he was more paranoid he would’ve noticed the cameras that had sneakily been set up around the front of the shop. But neither him nor Zayn noticed, and in the end that would come back to bite them in the arse. 

After a long day of tattooing, he turned the sign to CLOSED and him and Zayn both bought out two little bags, Zayn had weed and Harry had coke, they had both agreed that they definitely deserved it, whilst Zayn rolled his spliff Harry separated his coke into lines, he rolled a £10 note and brought it up to his nose, he inhaled the lines and leant back in his chair, they were probably stupid to do this at the front desk, and they probably should’ve seen the cameras, that Louis was more than likely watching them on, but all they cared about was the high they were both chasing.

Whilst Zayn just wanted McDonald’s, Harry wanted to burn something, he’d controlled the itch of drugs, it was time to scratch the biggest itch.Arson. It made harry feel alive and mixed with the drugs it made him almost dizzy with power.

He mumbled to Zayn that he was going, although he’s not quite sure that he understood from the incoherent words that spouted from his mouth, he mentioned to him that he’d bring back McDonald’s for them both, and that shut Zayn up. 

Sprinting out the door, half from the drugs in his system and half from the excitement of burning something again, he hasn’t burnt something properly in nearly 4 days, and he was going insane, it felt like a piece of himself was missing, a part that only came back during burning something, like the lighter was the key to his heart, he only felt fully happy and content when he saw something igniting in flames. He’d had this place mapped out for a while, it would be his biggest thing yet, he wasn’t sure how he was going to pull it off without dying, but with some gasoline stored inside, and some cocaine and a lighter in his pocket, he was finally going to do it. An abandoned car park. Now to most people that may seem stupid and silly, but to Harry it was perfect, it was HUGE and the sight of it burning would send tingles down his spine. He was giddy just walking there. 

When he arrived, his heart was pounding in his chest, not just from the coke, but from the buzz of excitement that had encapsulated his whole body, it’s like his own personal drum, banging against his ribcage. His whole body was shaking with excitement, it felt like the lighter was jumping underneath his skin tight jeans. 

He grabbed the first jug full of gasoline, and started pouring it over the first level, he slowly worked his way up, using a jug per level, yeah it was ridiculously expensive, but to Harry it was so worth it, to feel the excitement and adrenalin coursing through his veins. He almost skipped out of the top floor of the car park, he just couldn’t wait any longer. 

He throws the lighter into the car park, and runs out, he turns around and his eyes start glinting in the moonlight as orange flashes through his green eyes, as smile curls at his lips, and then it breaks out into full force, his dimples popping out. His jade eyes turning a burnt orange in the light of the fire. Suddenly a loud explosion was heard that startled Harry until he realised it was one of the cars. Then his eyes if possible got even brighter. This was a new experience. Yeah sure he’d made a car explode before, but never MULTIPLE, he felt elated. THIS to him was living. Breathing in the smoke was living, staring up at the orange flames was living. He never feels more alive than when something is in flames. 

As excited as he is about watching it burn, he knows his time is limited, he knows someone would’ve phoned the police by now, and they’d be on their way to arrest him, and neither him nor Zayn had that type of money. 

He started sprinting away looking back and laughing like a maniac, if someone saw him they wouldn’t be surprised if he was supposed to be in a mental hospital, but he didn’t care he was still on a high. Although this time the drugs have worn off, and it was the buzz from setting fire to something. 

He turned a corner and saw the golden arches of McDonalds, the things he did for his best friend, he ordered Zayn a big mac meal, and himself some chicken nuggets, he knew he needed to eat, but he never could after something this huge, he was just way too happy to be able to stomach anything, so he thought chicken nuggets would be a good shout. 

As soon as he got in he saw Zayn passed out on the sofa, and he saw some more weed on the coffee table, he placed the bag of food on the table and slowly started shaking Zayn awake “Z” “Z” “what” he mumbled “McDonalds” that perked Zayns interest as his eyes flew open “YOU DID NOT” He shouted, “I told you i would” Harry spoke, Zayn immediately started shovelling chips into his mouth, and with a lazy smile sketched onto his face. 

“So how did it go?” Zayn said, after a few minutes of silence, “The best evening of my life” Harry smirked, he was replaying it in his mind over and over again, and his eyes glazed over with a look fo pure happiness and contentment, he sighed “yeah...it was amazing, i’ve never felt anything like it”, “well i’m glad H” Zayn replied, that’s one of the reasons why Harry loved Zayn, he didn’t judge him, if he liked setting things on fire Zayn just thought it was cool, and let him get on with it, As long as Harry had enough time to take drugs with him, and pay his half of the rent, Zayn wasn’t bothered. Zayn has secrets too, and understands not crossing boundaries. It almost made Harry sad that he didn’t feel anything but lust for the male, and he knew nothing would happen with a relationship. 

Later on that evening, Zayn and Harry were led in Harrys bed, Zayns head resting on Harrys bare chest, Zayn was smoking a spliff and Harry was slowly setting up a spoon and a syringe, trying not to spill any of the brown and murky liquid onto his new white sheets. 

He put a belt around his arm as a makeshift tourniquet, and pulled it really tight. He slowly pulled the syringe into the cotton wool soaked in the heroin on the spoon, he pulled it back, and put the spoon on the side of the table and started smacking his least used vein in his arm, he slowly inserted the syringe into his vein and pressed down, he felt the heroin slowly make its way into his veins, he relaxed almost instantly. His head smacked against the headboard, his eyes rolled back, Zayn on his chest. This was bliss, this was what Harry needed. It’s quite funny really, how stereotypical Harry was, but also how in many ways he wasn’t, yeah of course, he took drugs, had sex and set things on fire. But deep down there was a longing, and pain that not even a burning building could fix, a longing for love and compassion that no, drugs or Zayn could fix. 

Harry entered a mind bending state, not quite in reality, and not quite unconscious. The perfect amount. He had injected the perfect amount. If he was more in tune with the real world he probably would’ve heard the cars surrounding their penthouse flat, and he also would’ve heard the police officers hushed whispers as they climbed up the stairs, he would’ve heard the slow drawl of he police officer as he counted to three and they bashed the door open. But Harry wasn’t quite with it, so he heard none of that, and neither did Zayn. They were both in a floating world filled with drugs. 

Harry also missed the disappointment in Louis Tomlinson's face as he dragged an overdosing Harry who was foaming at the mouth out of his flat, somewhere in between, the perfect amount of heroin, and way too much, somewhere along the way, Harry got lost, and the lines got blurred, his eyes rolled back too far, and he hit his head too hard. And poor Zayn just wanted his McDonalds back.


	4. T H R E E

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> THIS WOULD BE THE END OF LOUIS TOMLINSON. 
> 
> But would it? Would it really?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my first time ever writing a smut scene :/ let me know what you think haha

THREE 

When Harry finally woke up, he expected to still be laying in his bed, with Zayn still pressed up against him, what he didn’t expect however, was a stern looking Louis Tomlinson, and a heart broken Zayn crying over Harrys body. “Zayn i’m not dead” Harry managed to croak out. That just made Zayn sob harder and scream “YOU DICK” into Harrys leg. “Now I appreciate all the love Zayn, but can someone tell me what happened” Harry spoke, his voice barely above a whisper. “YOU FUCKING OVERDOSED YOU PRICK” Harry was confused, because to him, he took the perfect amount, but thinking back on it, maybe he slipped too far under, but if he was being honest, he couldn’t really remember. 

“Well now that explains why I’m here, but officer Tomlinson, why are you here?” That made Louis stunned, because to be honest, he didn’t have a reason to be, Harry hadn’t been caught setting fire to things, and the police weren’t doing anything about Harry and Zayn’s drug addictions, because they were already deemed a lost cause. The police were surprised that this was only the second time in his life that Harry had overdosed as he seemed to be constantly high. 

“When am I allowed out?” That took Louis by surprise, he didn’t expect Harry to not care about overdosing. All of the other ODs he had seen, wanted to get help, to Harry it seemed like he didn’t care. “Why don’t you care Harry?” “I’m not dead am I? So I can carry on living how i want, if I die, I die, that’s my fault and I don’t give a fuck.” Louis had never met someone with that idea of life before, and for some reason that intrigued him even more, he wanted to get to know Harry Styles, he wanted to understand everything about him. Not because he liked him but because he was interested in someone so completely different from him. Obviously. 

T H R E E D A Y S L A T E R 

Three days it took, for Harry to convince the new nurse, that he didn’t want or need to go to a drugs program “THREE FUCKING DAYS Z” Harry shouted as he walked into their flat, with a newly repaired door. “I know H” Zayn sighed as he followed Harry around their flat like a lost puppy “THEY FUCKING TOOK ALL MY DRUGS AS WELL” Harry was beyond furious he felt like he would explode with rage. He grabbed his motorbike keys and nearly sprinted out of the door. He finally came to a place that was extremely familiar, an old and abandoned complex of flats, he went up immediately and started shouting “NIALL” Then the blonde haired man emerged from behind a group of girls, completely naked. “Alright Haz, the stuff i supplied you with should’ve lasted a few weeks right?” Harry mumbled the story of him overdosing and the police taking his drugs, Niall just laughed, he was known as ‘the smiler’ to everyone that bought drugs from him, he was the happiest person Harry had ever met, if that was the pills he was constantly taking, or he was just happy all the time Harry wasn’t sure, but it made buying drugs off of him easier. 

“So Haz what can i supply you with today?” 

“A bit of everything, you know i don’t care what Niall, just enough to last me a month” 

“yeah well your month compared to a normal persons month is a lot more drugs, so i’ll see what i can do” 

Harry walked out of there with slightly less money than he had before, but a lot more drugs, and that was a trade he could make. And walking back to his and Zayns place, he could have sworn the drugs in his pocket made him feel more relaxed already, or maybe that was the “trial line” he took at Nialls. Probably the latter. 

As soon as he got home he threw the backpack of drugs at Zayn who caught it and started looking through it, “choose what you want us to take tonight” Harry spoke as he slowly got closer to Zayn, he bent down and whispered right next to Zayns ear “let’s have some fun.” He could see the shiver that was sent through Zayns body and the goosebumps that appeared. 

Zayn chose coke. 

It would be a good night. 

They had both snorted three lines each, and their pupils were dilated with a mix of lust and drugs, Harry smashed his lips against Zayn, it was messy and their teeth were clashing but neither of them cared, this was their life and how it was supposed to be. Harry dragged Zayn into his room, and pushed him onto the bed Harry climbed on top of Zayn and slowly started placing kisses onto his neck as they both started removing their clothes and throwing them anywhere in the room, Harry slowly started sucking a mark into Zayns neck, as Zayn was moaning beneath him. He finally pulled back and licked over the mark he made, His erection was painful and pressing against his boxers, he removed them and took both his and Zayns cocks into his large hand, and started wanking them together, Zayns back arched off of the bed, and his eyes rolled back and slipped shut, Harry was panting and groaning above him, but the noises Zayn was making was drawing him closer and closer to an orgasm. He pulled his hand off of both of their cocks, and Zayn whined from the loss of contact on his raging erection, he soon shut up as Harry got the lube from beside his bed, he coated three fingers and started slowly circling one around Zayns rim as he spread his legs wider and wider silently begging Harry to do more. Harry finally put one finger in Zayns hole and he sighed with relief and groaned with pleasure, Harry then slowly start to insert another finger, the burn was amazing, Zayn could feel Harrys long fingers everywhere. Well everywhere but the one spot he wanted, but he knew he was missing it deliberately. When Harry finally put in the third finger, he drove it into Zayns prostate head on and he screamed in pleasure, Harry always loved how vocal Zayn was, when he felt Zayn was prepped enough, he slowly moved his fingers out of Zayn, not missing the whine he made at the loss of fingers. 

Harry slowly rolled a condom on, groaning at the cold against his boiling and throbbing cock, he put lube over the condom just encase, and put even more lube around Zayns hole, not wanting to hurt him. 

He slowly pushed in letting Zayn get used to the feeling, When he finally bottomed out and he hit Zayns prostate head on Zayn screamed and writhed with pleasure and Harry groaned as Zayn tightened his walls against Harry dick. Harry started of slowly thrusting in and out but as Zayn started thrusting his hips trying to get more friction, Harry pinned them down to the mattress, most likely leaving bruises but they didn’t care, it was the least of their issues, Harry started going faster and faster, hitting Zayn’s prostate every time, making Zayn scream at every thrust, his back was arching and he was shaking from the pleasure. Harry brought his lips to the other side of Zayns neck and sucked another bruise against his skin, and that’s what send Zayn over the edge his body convulsing with pleasure and with a final moan he released all over his and Harry chest. 

As he came his walls tightened once again and that’s what sent Harry over the edge, he groaned his cum spilling into the condom, as he had to put his hands above Zayn’s head to stop himself from collapsing on top of him, he slowly rolled to the side and got a towel from the floor and started cleaning Zayn and then took the condom off and tied it and threw it in the general direction of the bin in the corner of his room. Him and then both lit a spliff and smoked, happy and content. 

T H E N E X T D A Y 

Harry and Zayn walked into the tattoo parlour the next day a glow of sex and happiness around them both, after they fucked last night, they had another round in the shower before they came into the parlour in the morning. Both of their necks littered with bruises. Harry checked his appointments for the day, and cursed under his breath. “why the fuck did Louis reschedule his appointment, he’s already fucked up our lives enough” Harry sighed as he felt Zayn place small kisses down his neck to calm him down, of course Louis chose that exact moment to walk in and saw both of the boys with hickeys on their necks and looking extremely in love, of course that wasn’t really the case, but Louis didn’t know that. 

He cleared his throat and Harry and Zayn looked up from the haze they were in and Zayn moved to the back to set up Harrys room for him and Louis. “Hi Louis, what tattoo do you want today?” Louis was confused about how Harry didn’t even mention Zayn, and that frustrated Louis because he wanted to know everything about Harry Styles. “I was hoping to get a compass today actually, I’ve got the drawing of what I want if that will help?” Harry took the drawing and skimmed over it, he gave a grunt of approval and took Louis into the back room and Louis sat on the chair as Harry started cleaning his tools, and humming along to Fleetwood Mac that was playing in the background. 

Once he was in his stride of tattooing, Louis looked down at Harrys neck, and saw the hickeys he had presumed Zayn had left, and he felt an emotion bubbling in his stomach, but he didn’t know what it was, “So you and Zayn then?” Harry glanced up at Louis expression he could see the curiosity glinting in his blue eyes. “No we just fuck occasionally” That took Louis by surprise, they seemed like they were in love when he had seen them at the counter “We like each others company but we’re not in love you know?” Louis didn’t know, he really didn’t, there was only one person he had ever been with and he had never slept with anyone since, that was just further proof that he and Harry live completely different lives and he should stay away, but that didn’t deter him even though in hindsight it probably should have. 

“Right you’re done” Harry stated as he set the gun down and took off his gloves, “do you have anymore salve and wrap left from what I gave you last time?” Louis shook his head, and Harry gave him some more, and he paid for his tattoo and left. Zayn then came back out, and out of the corner of his eye, he saw the camera that Louis had placed there a week or so ago. Zayn took the camera out from where it was hidden and then found all the others and put them on the front desk. Both him and Harry were filled with rage, They smashed the cameras. Harry then flew out of the door muttering about how he was going to kill Louis Tomlinson. He made a promise 

THIS WOULD BE THE END OF LOUIS TOMLINSON. 

But would it? Would it really?


	5. F O U R

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Sorted?” Zayn asked 
> 
> “Sorted.” Harry replied

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so this is my favourite chapter of the work so far, it gives an insight into harry and a little bit about his past, but there’s a lot more to be revealed yet. I know there’s not a lot of Louis + Harry yet, but i promise it’s coming, and this will be a really slow burn (haha ironic)

FOUR 

T H I R T E E N Y E A R O L D H A R R Y 

Harry had found a lighter in his mums coat pocket, he wanted to see what he could do with it, he wanted to see how it reacted with things. Ever since Harry was small he had a curiosity for fire, and now he had finally got his hands on a lighter he was unstoppable. 

He got on his bike and cycled over to an old car that he had seen dumped on the side of a road, he knew he wanted to set that on fire, the only issue was is he had nothing to pour over the car, but almost like someone from heaven, or maybe hell, wanted, there was a jug of gasoline in car, Harry poured it all over the car, and then threw the lighter into it, he watch as the car got wrapped in the flames, it felt like it was Harry’s own personal present, and he was so excited, he felt a tingle go down his spine as he saw the orange flames rise up, he had never felt like this before, it was something that he would chase over and over again. 

F O U R T E E N Y E A R O L D H A R R Y 

“Go on Harry just try it.” Said his sister Gemma. “We’ll let you join in if you do it.” And that’s all Harry wanted, he wanted someone to want him, and to let him join in. So he took the rolled up note, and inhaled the line of powder that was on Gemmas dressing table, she was eighteen so she knew what she was doing. She was older and wiser. Was all that went through Harry’s mind. He would give his whole life to Gemma. And in the end, maybe he did. 

F I F T E E N Y E A R O L D H A R R Y 

Harry was at a college party. He’d never been to one before and was excited to see what Gemma and her friends use to do, when he was fourteen Gemma had showed Harry all sorts of new drugs, that would make him happy, or would just make him feel like he was in another world. 

As soon as he stepped foot into the house, he was handed a red solo cup full of some sort of alcoholic liquid, Harry didn’t bat and eyelid, as he downed the whole cup, he was here to show people that he was cool, and he could fit in with them. 

Suddenly a bouncy blonde came over to him “HIYA MATE IM NIALL” he slurred over the music that was banging inside Harrys skull. 

“Do you want anything?” Niall asked, Harry gave Niall a confused look, and Niall, pulled out a few different bags, some Harry recognised as Cocaine and weed, but there was one that caught his eye. It looked like cocaine, but Harry could tell it wasn’t. “What’s that one?” He asked, pointing at the bag in question. “Heroin lad, you’ll be properly fucked with that” “I’ll try it, but I don’t know what to do with it” Harry replied, Niall loved him, and pounced on his innocence like a bird with its prey. Harry gave Niall money for the heroin and Niall led him over to a group of people, “Here” Niall said softly, “Jane will help you” Jane smiled at Harry and moved over so he could sit next to her, he gave her the bag and she pulled a belt round his arm, he put the heroin on a spoon and put a lighter underneath it, she put cotton wool on the spoon, and slowly put a syringe, in the cotton wool, as she put the heroin in the syringe, she instructed Harry to start smacking his arm to make the vein more prominent, she slowly injected the heroin in his vein, and he led back on the sofa. 

The thumping of the music got softer and softer as Harry slipped under, he couldn’t feel the blood pouring from his nose, or his body convulsing, or the foam coming out of his mouth. But Jane could see it and she immediately called Niall over who revealed he knew nothing about the boy, they got everyone out of the house, and the phoned an ambulance. 

Harry was in hospital for a week, and in that entire week, the only person who visited was Niall saying he could get more drugs if he needed, and Jane who only came once, to say she was sorry, and then no one ever heard from her again, until her body was dragged from a lake, she after all, felt the most responsible. 

And that was the sad truth to Harrys life, was that no one was ever there for him. 

No one cared, and no one visited him in hospital. 

That didn’t stop Harry, he continued, on a downwards spiral, but no one cared enough to stop him. Except from Zayn who was on his own spiral too. 

S I X T E E N Y E A R O L D H A R R Y 

“Mr Styles!” “You’re late again” Harry shrugged and walked to the back of the classroom taking his usual seat away from everybody, his eyes were red rimmed and bloodshot, people presumed from the drugs, but that’s what they always did. Presumed. They didn’t realise that it was the 2 year anniversary of Harrys family dying. They didn’t realise that his eyes were so raw because he had been crying so hard he couldn’t get out of bed. But they just presumed that what he wore reflected on his personality. And maybe that’s the reason why he started drugs, he wanted somewhere to belong he wanted a stereotype to fit into. He wanted people to know that he wasn’t just the sad boy that lost his family. He was someone better. He was Harry Styles. 

The only person that never judged Harry for the way he dressed and acted, was Zayn. He was the only person that spent the time to get to know Harry and understand who he was. So when he saw Harry walk in, he didn’t jump to conclusions. He understood, and he moved his desk closer to Harry’s and wrapped his arm around him, and this small gesture proved that in this shitty town and their shitty lives. Zayn and Harry would always have eachother. 

P R E S E N T D A Y 

Harry knew people. Harry knew a lot of people, that’s what happens when everyone is so terrified of you, so when he arrived at Liam Payne’s house at 3:00am he didn’t hesitate to let him in. “What do you need Styles?” Liam said, with a slight quiver in his voice, no matter how many times you see the leather clad eighteen year old, you’re still scared. “Louis Tomlinson, you know him?” Harry was straight to the point, he knew what he wanted and he wanted it now. “Yeah he’s a police officer right?” Harry nodded, “What do you need to know?” “Where he lives” Harry wouldn’t say that him and Liam were friends, but they had a mutual respect for eachother, or maybe Liam was just that scared of him. He started typing on his computer as soon as Harry told him what he needed, he pulled up Louis address, it was a small flat in the nicer part of town, a lot nicer than where harry and Zayn lived. 

Harry paid Liam and then left, and went to go to Louis place. He pulled up outside Louis flat and made sure he had everything he needed, cocaine, lighter, hair grip, he had Liam check that Louis wasn’t home and then proceeded to enter his flat by breaking in using the hair grip, as he slowly started placing drugs and alcohol around the house, and he separated some coke into lines, and then he got his phone out, “999 Whats you emergency?” 

“Hi I need the police please” 

“I came into my friend Louis flat, and there’s drugs and everything everywhere I don’t know what to do” Harry started faking a voice crack and managed to start fake crying. He had it nailed. 

“Yes please come quickly. Thank you” 

As soon as he had hung up he sprinted out of there. 

He couldn’t be caught. 

He got back home with a smile plastered onto his face, and Zayn smirked at him as he walked through the door. 

“Sorted?” Zayn asked 

“Sorted.” Harry replied


	6. F I V E

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After all, whats love without a little bit of heartbreak?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so this was the longest chapter yet.. let me know what you think!! :)

F I V E

Even though harry had overdosed little over a week ago, that still didn’t stop him, Harry and Zayn had arctic monkeys blasting from the speaker in the living room. This was the highest both Harry and Zayn had been in a long time. Mixing alcohol and drugs, was always the mixture for getting ridiculously high. Harry had just separated two more lines, one for him and one for Zayn. Zayn had just taken his line, and Harry leant down and snorted his, his eyes rolled back into his head as he sighed into the back of the sofa. Suddenly his head was gripped and Zayn had smashed their lips together, it was funny really how they melted into eachother, and they seemed perfect. But they never felt anything close to love from eachother, apart from like brothers. 

Zayn straddled Harry and took off their shirts and jeans and Zayn lazily started sucking a hickey into Harrys neck, Zayn pulled Harrys hair and he started moaning and thrusted his hips up into Zayn. 

An insistent banging was heard at their door, as Zayn removed himself from Harrys lap and started drinking from the bottle of vodka, making no effort to get up and answer the door. Harry sighed and lit a cigarette, slowly making his way towards the door, he was just in his boxers with his cock still erect and pushing against them. His hair was messy from Zayn pulling it and he had hickeys littered down his neck, but he couldn’t care less. 

He didn’t expect to open the door and see Louis Tomlinson stood there with almost a comedic look of anger across his face. 

Louis face dropped as he had realised what Harry looked like, Louis blushed and internally cursed himself for Harry answering the door like that. Harry ached his brow and blew out the smoke from the cigarette, “can I help you?” Louis quickly remembered why he was at his door, and his face immediately hardened and he screeched out “WHAT THE FUCK WERE YOU THINKING” A look of confusion took over Harrys face, but then the realisation dawned and he smirked, “I have no idea what you’re talking about” Louis knew Harry knew exactly what he was talking about. Louis pushed his way into the flat and his nose turned up in disgust. He didn’t know what he expected from a drug addicts flat. But he didn’t expect vinyls strewn over the floor, and a record player in corner connected to a speaker currently playing arctic monkeys. 

He didn’t expect Harry and Zayn to live in an indie persons dream flat. It had posters and records everywhere, and Louis thought it looked nice, he was taken aback, until he looked down at the table in the living room. He saw a multitude of drugs strewn across the table, he scrunched his nose up in disgust, there were some drugs he couldn’t even name. He turned around and saw Zayn looking flushed, he put two and two together and realised what Harry and Zayn had been doing. He immediately blushed and looked away from Zayn, when he turned to Harry he’d put on joggers and a hoodie. “So Louis care to explain to me and Z, why you’re here” That made Louis anger start to rise “oh, I don’t know” he snapped, “maybe because you planted fucking drugs in my house, IM A POLICE OFFICER YOU DONT UNDERSTAND HOW BAD THIS LOOKS” Harry smirked in his direction “I might have tampered with your flat a little bit” Louis was seething, “but I think you’ll find I had a very valid reason why I did it” Louis was shocked, and confused, he started stuttering, “I- I- what do you mean?” “We saw the cameras you put up Louis” Louis stopped. Oh. He’d forgotten about those, okay maybe Harry did have a valid reason, but that didn’t stop Louis. 

“How high are you Harry?” 

“Not high enough if I can still hear your insistent whining” Harry snapped back. Louis sighed, he knew he wasn’t going to get anywhere whilst Harry was like this, he made the executive decision to stay until Harry was sober enough to talk to him. He took a seat on the sofa, and felt something digging into him, when he dug it out from the sofa he cringed at the heroin needle he had found. Harry looked at Louis and casually said “it’s not used don’t stress” Louis scoffed and rolled his eyes. “Aren't you leaving as I’m not answering your questions” Louis sat there smugly and said “No I’m not leaving until you’re sober” 

Harry smirked and said “well you’ve got a fun few hours ahead of you” Louis sighed for what felt like the one hundredth time tonight. 

When he thought about coming to confront Harry and not leaving until he gave him answers, he didn’t expect him to not give a fuck and him and Zayn start taking even more drugs in his company, Louis was a police officer for gods sake they shouldn’t be doing this in his company, but Louis couldn’t do anything, it was their flat, he had no leg to stand on, and it made him extremely uncomfortable. 

He did however accept a beer from Harry and tried to relax, but he drew the line when Zayn passed him the spliff, when he said no, Zayn shrugged and what he did next shocked Louis once again, it seemed he wasn’t as knowledgable as he thought. Zayn passed the spliff to Harry and he inhaled it and brought Zayns lips to his as they started passing the smoke between their moths, and Zayn pulled away and blew out the smoke. Louis sat there with wide eyes. Oh. He maybe was more innocent to life than he had thought. And maybe Harry was doing something good for him. Or maybe he was bad and Louis just didn’t know.

Harry and Zayn started smiling and laughing at the most stupid things, and Louis would be lying if he said he was starting to wonder what it was like to be high line Zayn and Harry were, but he also had to remember the awful side to drugs, the overdosing and the people who surround themselves with drugs. And Louis needed to keep that in mind. 

Harry looked at Zayn almost like they were communicating using their eyes, Harry suddenly stood up and he took a lighter and a small bag of white powder that Louis presumed to be cocaine, and he made his way out the door, Louis wondered what he was doing. But he didn’t ponder too much on it as Zayn started talking absolute nonsense, which humoured Louis for a few hours, until his eyelids grew heavy and he leant back on the surprisingly comfortable sofa, and slowly drifted off into the world of sleep, in which he may or may not have been dreaming about Harry. 

M E A N W H I L E 

Harry wasn’t as high as he faked to Louis, he just needed Louis to stop paying attention to him so he could go and talk to Liam. 

It was once again around two in the morning, when Harry was banging on Liams door, he answered dressed in a dressing gown and bags under his eyes, they immediately looked more awake and lively when he saw Harry stood at his door 

“What do you need now Harry?” Harry looked Liam dead in the eyes, trying to pick him apart bit by bit, when he deemed Liam safe, he replied “I need to make sure the police can’t tell I planted those drugs at Louis flat” To Liam this seemed like a simple task, but little did he know that it would become a lot harder and a lot bigger than he had originally anticipated. “I can do that” he replied “but I’ll need payment, and I know you don’t have enough money to cover that” a smirk overtook Harrys face as he pulled out the bag of cocaine, Liams eyes widened “it’s Niall’s best, and all you need to do Liam is say yes and take the coke” to Liam it wasn’t even a question as he took the bag from the table. It was never a question, you don’t say no to Harry Styles. Especially when Liam had noticed the lighter in his pocket as soon as he walked in the door, and knew Harry wouldn’t hesitate to burn anything in his way, human or otherwise. 

When Harry got back, he looked at the living room and saw Louis curled up on the sofa, admittedly he was a lot higher than he was when he had left, he had convinced Liam to split the cocaine, and that made for his eyes to have no green left in them they had been completely swallowed by the black. He could blame it on him being high, and say he wasn’t thinking when he curled up behind Louis and holding on to his waist, he could say he wasn’t in his right mind, but subconsciously he wanted this, he wanted to be curled up with Louis, he enjoyed the feeling of protecting Louis and wrapping his arms around him. He knew Louis could too from the way he pressed back into Harrys touch as soon as he got behind Louis. Harry slowly closed his eyes and had a cocaine induced dream, and the only thing he could make out, was the brown hair and vibrantly blue eyes. And he would be lying if that night wasn’t the best sleep both Louis and Harry had in a long time. 

When Louis’ eyes slowly adjusted to the light streaming through the window he tried to stretch and arch his back. but he was restricted by arms wrapped round his body and a body was pressed against his back. Louis froze. He knew who it was. It would be the boy with the head of curls. And Louis wasn’t sure he wanted to look behind him and confirmed his worst nightmare. He was sleeping with Harry behind him, and he enjoyed it. He was scared. 

Harry started groaning and stretching as he woke up “morning” he mumbled, his voice rough and thick with sleep. Louis froze once again. Harrys morning voice was something that had come down straight from heaven, it made Louis feel tingly, and he didn’t need that at this moment in time. 

Harry climbed around Louis and started clunking around in the kitchen, “what do you want for breakfast Lou” No one had ever called him Lou, and he enjoyed it, he liked that Harry had created a nickname specifically for him. He needed to stop, he couldn’t become interested in Harry, he could love Harry. But what if he already did? When Harry set the plate of eggs onto Louis lap he was still in a daze and questioning if he liked Harry, or he was just being naive and going for the people he knew he couldn’t have. He smiled up at Harry, but he could feel the tension in the air. 

“Where did you go last night” Louis sled, he could see Harry visibly tense, and Louis squinted his eyes at him “none of your business” Harry said. Louis stopped, he as well as anyone, knew what Harry could do, and he didn’t want to be on the receiving end. Even if you work, stopping these people for a living, people like Harry Styles still scare you to the core. 

Zayn then emerged from his room, it’s like as soon as he came in all the tension in the air dissolved, and Harry gave Zayn a dazzling smile, a smile he’d never seen Harry give anyone, and it was then that Louis realised how special Zayn was to Harry. And it was also then that Louis realised how maybe his felt more than curiosity towards the boy. Maybe he felt something else, for the boy that only saw flames, and lived with the fire. Maybe Harry Styles was the key to something Louis didn’t even know needed unlocking. And to Harry maybe Louis was the missing piece. Maybe Louis was the person he needed to fill his cold and burnt heart. Harry needed someone that he would be able to love unconditionally, and maybe, just maybe, Harry and Louis were meant for eachother, somewhere along the line the stars matched up, and they were made to be together, the old cliche the cop and the criminal. Deep down they both knew it was deeper than that. They both knew that what they til wasn’t something normal. They felt a longing that neither of them had felt for a long time, Louis Tomlinson needed Harry Styles as much as Harry Styles needed Louis Tomlinson, but of course they didn’t realise that yet. That would be too easy. After all, whats love without a little bit of heartbreak?


	7. S I X

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And after all, love doesn’t always conquer all, would it this time? Only time would tell.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi!! i’m sorry for not updating in a few days, i’ve been really busy, and had absolutely no inspiration, but hopefully i’ll start updating more frequently !!

S I X

It had been three weeks, three weeks since Louis had been to Harrys flat. And he couldn’t face seeing him again. His emotions were everywhere, he hated himself for even the possibility that he could like Harry. He hadn’t even seen Harry in three weeks, but he was constantly on his mind. Louis felt like he had wanted to know every small detail about Harry and his family. So that’s exactly what Louis did.

Being part of the police force had its perks, one of those perks namely being able to find out everything about everyone, and Louis wanted to know everything to do with Harry Styles.

Louis was shocked.

He could never understand the pain that someone could go through like that, and still be standing on this earth.

Louis had never felt for a boy more than he felt for Harry.

M E A N W H I L E

Harry was drugged out of his mind in a back alley, it was dirty and disgusting, but it was Harrys life, and this was how he wanted to live it. Numb. Numb from the world and everything around him.

He felt a dainty hand shake his shoulder, and as they leaned in and their breath fanned over Harrys face, he knew exactly who he was, even if the swimming pools of eyes gave it away, Harry knew it was Louis.

Harry would be lying if he said that for the past few weeks he hadn’t constantly thought about Louis. But of course Harry was Harry so if anyone asked Harry would deny all thoughts of the small man.

Louis slowly lifted Harrys arm over his shoulder and dragged the boy up from the ground, Louis wasn’t sure why Harry looked like he was homeless, when Louis knew Harry had somewhere to live. It was a 10 minute walk back to Harry and Zayns flat, but with Louis dragging the six foot one man, it took nearly twenty. Louis knocked on the door and hoped that Zayn would be there, thankfully he was, and when he opened the door and saw Harry, all the anger he had towards Louis fell away. Zayn sighed, “Thank you” Louis could see the concern in Zayns eyes, as he took in Harrys appearance. As Zayn took Harry into the bright lights of the kitchen, Louis walked into the house and gasped in shock at Harry’s appearance, His face remained unchanged, he had small bruises littered up and down his arms. He could almost sense Zayn rolling his eyes even though he was facing away from him. “They’re needle marks you idiot” Okay even though he was a police officer, Louis admits he can be quite naive. Harry was obviously not quite with it as he mumbled incoherent words, but Zayn looked skilled in dealing with Harry as he got a bottle of water and some pills of some sort, and handed them to Louis. Louis looked at Zayn with a confused expression on his face, “if you’re going to help then help. Put those in Harrys room” Louis walked away to comply with Zayns orders, when he opened his mouth to ask where Harrys room was, almost like a mind reader Zayn replied “You’ll know which one it is.”

Zayn was right. Louis knew exactly which room was Harrys. The Arctic monkeys poster on the door gave it away, it felt like a teenagers room, and with the information Louis found out only earlier that day, Louis felt his heart clench. When Louis walked inside Harrys room, he was in awe. It was, exactly how Louis imagined it.

The bed was messy and unmade and the posters of many bands were all over the walls, they ranged from arctic monkeys, to fleetwood mac, and it was so utterly Harry.

His bed had clothes strewn all across it, and multiple guitars were on the floor, the fairy lights that were wrapped on the wall, added a slightly softer touch to Harrys otherwise harsh bedroom. In a mysterious way it described Harrys life, it revealed a lot to Louis just from the small room alone, with the messy bed and musical instruments, Louis knew that there was more to Harry Styles than everyone else knew.

Even with the awe on Louis face at Harry’s room, that still didn’t stop him from feeling so disgusted, ashamed and disappointed in Harrys windowsill, the needles, small bags and pills that littered the side, Harry could’ve been a drug dealer. If Louis had noticed the giant bags of cocaine under the pile of cushions on Harrys bed, that he had hidden before he went out, then maybe Louis would’ve thought differently about Harry, maybe Louis would’ve realised that Harry didn’t want to change and probably never was. Maybe Louis would’ve realised that it wouldn’t be Harry getting better, it would be Louis being slowly corrupted, but a monster with piercing green eyes. But of course Louis didn’t realise, he was too fogged by the passion he felt for the curly haired giant. He was too naive in thinking that Harry would change. And after all, not all love stories have a happy ending, not all people are meant to be. And after all, love doesn’t always conquer all, would it this time? Only time would tell.

Louis moved some of the needles away from Harrys side, and placed down the water and pills. Out of habit Louis also made Harrys bed, but for some reason, not daring to venture under the pile of cushions, that had been strategically placed incase anything like this would happen, Harry would be safe. And, Louis moved the ukulele, and put it on its stand along with a half empty bottle of water.Louis finally picked up Harrys guitar, it was gorgeous, Louis knew that it was probably the most expensive thing Harry owned, so he was extremely cautious with it, as he knew he would never see Harry again if he managed to break it. Louis slowly started strumming the tune of “half the world away” by oasis, and slowly humming along under his breath.

When suddenly the door was ripped open, and behind the door was a very angry looking Harry, he could see his bloodshot eyes, and the veins sticking out in pure rage, Harrys green irises had turned a sickening black, and Louis swallowed the lump that had formed in his throat.

Harry looked enraged, and Louis, well Louis was terrified.

“What the fuck are you doing in my room” Harry roared as he stepped closer and closer to Louis. Louis opened his mouth to talk, but no words came out, his throat was dry, and he didn’t know what to say. Harry started frantically searching under the pillows in his bed, and sighed when he saw that Louis hadn’t touched what was underneath. Louis brow furrowed in confusion, Harrys body was obstructing what was under the pillows, but the dread creeping up Louis spine showed that it wasn’t good.

Zayn the walked into the room, and started whispering into his ear, and Harry slowly sat down onto the bed and drank the water and pills that Louis had left there, Harry laid down, and once again, to Louis confusion, led the opposite side to the pillows that were piled against the wall.

Once Harry looked comfortable and content, Louis slowly started backing out of the door, not wanting to deal with Harry, when harry whispered a word, that shocked everyone.

“stay”


	8. S E V E N

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So He said everything he needed to say and more, in absolutely zero words

S E V E N 

Louis woke up, and felt two arms wrapped around his waist, and if he was being honest, he could easily get used to it, but he wasn’t sure he would ever be able to admit that to Harry. 

He could feel every part of Harry pressed up against him, and Louis for some stupid reason felt content. He could feel Harry wake up from behind him, and slowly untangle his arms from around Louis. Then Louis could feel Harrys body shoot up and snap his head towards Louis direction. Harry immediately started running round his room choosing random items of clothes from the floor before running into the bathroom and locking the door. And it would be safe to say that Louis had never been more confused. 

Harry was scared. No Harry was more than scared. Harry was petrified. His heart was pounding out of his chest, and not in the good kind. It wasn’t like the drum sensation, when he was burning something. This was in an i’m going to die way. Harry didn’t know what to do. He’d woken up with Louis wrapped in his arms, and he enjoyed it, and he didn’t know what to do. He’d never loved anyone before. And he certainly couldn’t love Louis. It just wasn’t okay. He just couldn’t, it wasn’t in his nature, was it? 

After about 10 minutes, Harry emerged from the bathroom with wet hair and a change of clothes, his heart still racing out of his chest, if possible it sped up even more when he saw Louis, fallen back asleep and tucked under the sheets of Harrys bed, he would be lying if he said it didn’t stir an emotion in his heart that he hadn’t felt for a long time, but this was Harry, lying was his middle name, it would take a lot more than seeing the boy in his bed to make him spew his feelings out. And after all, Harry has never done love, how does he know that he ever will, in his opinion, he’s not good enough for Louis, and that constant thought would be stuck in the back of his mind for a long time. 

Harry walked out of his room, with a tired Louis behind him, Harry willing himself not to turn around and aw and the small man behind him. Harry and Louis were mumbling to each other about how Louis liked his tea, as Harry made tea and breakfast for them, Zayn walked into the kitchen area, with a lit cigarette in his mouth. Louis had to control himself for scolding the man, and he had to remind himself that he was in their house, and he had no right to control what they did in their flat. Although Louis could easily arrest them for the large quantity of drugs, he could not do that, he finally felt like he was getting through to Harry, even though all that had happened was Louis looked through his police file, and saw flashes of Harry’s dark and disturbing past. 

Louis wonders about Harry a lot. How the boy goes on. How the boy still has the twinkle in his eyes. It’s also funny how he still calls Harry a boy. Harrys definitely not a boy, He’s been through so much in his 19 years of life. He’s been through more than Louis can ever imagine. 

Harry is some what of an enigma, he doesn’t fit in with the social norms, he may be a “bad boy” but on the inside, he’s just a broken child, who just needs someone to talk to, and he just wants someone to care. But Harrys never had anyone to care, so when he found out from his friend inside the police force, that Louis had been looking through his files. Harry didn’t know how to feel. He started off feeling angry, he didn’t want people knowing what he had been through, he could feel his blood boiling, and he almost started shaking with rage, but in the back of his mind, he knew he would never be able to do anything to Louis. As for some reason completely unknown to Harry, he cared for Louis. So there was only one thing that could calm this much anger. Fire. 

Harry had never killed anyone before, but when he was this angry, he lost himself, his beautiful green eyes turned into a sickening black, and it’s almost like his mind went into a fog, and he couldn’t control what his body did. Harry wasn’t one to believe in the supernatural, but it was like something else took over his body. But, no one would ever believe him. He couldn’t even blame it on drugs or alcohol, he was completely sober when he started walking, and the sprinting towards the one building that made his blood boil more than anything. 

It was a simple red bricked family home, that had already looked like it had been burnt to a crisp, but Harry knew there was people in there, and that made him even more enraged, and his mind go slightly more foggy. He slowly edged round the house making absolutely no noise, as he slowly poured fuel around it, and sloshed it up the walls, it probably didn’t do anything, but Harry felt like it did. He stepped away from the house, and slowly flicked his lighter on and off, and then in one swift motion, threw it into the fire, as he saw the whole building go up into flames. Harry could hear the screams, but it’s almost like they went into his ears, but not quite into his brain. Harrys eyes lit up, in a sickening way, he knew there were people inside, and in some sick and twisted way, he loved it.

Louis had horror written all over his face, he could hear the people, and unlike Harry, his mind wasn’t fogged over, he saw Harry just watching and listening, with a huge smile across his face. Louis was conflicted. He didn’t want to have to call the police, especially when he felt like Harry had started to warm up to him. But he had to, he couldn’t just let this slide. 

The police cars pulled up and surrounded Harry. It was almost like he was frozen, he couldn’t move, and even as they were dragging away from the bodies being rolled away with a white sheet covering their blackened bodies, Harry still had a smile on his face. 

It was funny really. Harry got 2 years in prison. He was a master manipulator. He pleaded to the judge with tears in his eyes, that he was just a broken boy, and all he wanted was the house that had caused him so much pain to be gone. 

However, when he turned to look at Louis as he stood on the witness stand, his heart broke inside. Louis was the one person that he thought he could possibly love. He hadn’t been able to love for a long time. However Louis somehow worked his way into Harrys heart. And then he smashed his way back out. Breaking Harry in the process. 

In Harrys first day in prison, he got the shit beaten out of him. There was no other way to put it. But he learnt. He learnt quickly. He adapted to prison life. He was scarier than he had ever been, but in the back of his mind, he could only picture the disappointing look that Louis would throw him if he saw him. But he never did. Louis never visited Harry. And in some ways, that beat Harry up more than the punches to his body. 

The only person that visited him was Zayn. And Harry couldn’t be more thankful, Harry always knew that Zayn was someone special to him, but this just proved how much they meant to each other. However Zayn could see, whenever Harry got called for a visit, he would look at the door, hoping and praying it was Louis, and his eyes dulled slightly when he saw that it was Zayn, but Zayn loved him anyway. 

When Harry got out, he wasn’t ashamed to say he cried, he cried for all of the pain he had suffered. He cried at joy at finally being released, after the longest 2 years of his life. And he cried because even then Louis wasn’t there. It spoke a lot to Harry, about how who he thought Louis was, and who Louis actually was. 

Louis couldn’t take it anymore, he had spent the last two years feeling so conflicted about if he should visit Harry, if Harry would be angry at him. He didn’t know what to do. He knew Harry was being released today, Zayn had kept updating him, even if Louis never replied, Louis appreciated it. That’s when he decided, he was going to see Harry, and he was going to tell Harry exactly how he felt. But of course that never goes to plan, because that would be too easy. 

Knocking on the door, Louis could feel his heart pounding in his chest, and his stomach full of nerves. He hadn’t even decided what he was going to say, but he felt like he would know as soon as he saw Harry. 

Louis was shocked when Harry opened the door. Harrys hair had grown out, and it was now nearing his shoulders. He was still gorgeous. Harrys eyes darkened as he saw Louis, and his eyes turned into slits, he started to slam the door, but Louis was too quick and he stuck his foot into the door. “Please Harry, I just want to talk, I promise.” Harry closed his eyes, and slowly started breathing through his mouth and out his nose. He opened the door wider, and walked through, the most Harry way of inviting someone in. Louis followed with his head down, Looking like a lost puppy. Louis looked around, and saw that nothing had changed, the flat still looked exactly the same as what it had looked like before. Instead of stopping at the sofa, Harry continued further and led him through into his bedroom, which also looked exactly the same. 

Louis sat down on Harrys bed, and Harry did the same. Harry stared expectantly at Louis, and willing him to talk. Louis cleared his throat, still unsure what he was going to say. So he said everything he needed to say and more, in absolutely zero words. 

He smashed his lips against Harrys, and gripped his newly grown out hair. Harry kissed him back passionately, with hunger and need. Louis slowly straddled Harrys lap, and he wrapped his arms around Louis lower back. 

Louis pulled back, gasping for breath. 

“Well I think that’s all that I needed to say”

Harry tried laughing, but he wasn’t sure it quite met his eyes. And Louis noticed, he tilted his head in confusion. But Harry broke his eyes away from Louis, he just couldn’t look at him. Harry still hadn’t quite figured out his feelings. But in some way he needed this. 

Almost as much as he needed Louis. 

Almost as much as Louis needed Harry. 

It was the stereotypical love story. 

But of course, it wasn’t quite over yet.


	9. E I G H T

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He just wanted the screaming to stop.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi!! so this chapter reveals a lot about Harry. And I really enjoyed writing it! I hope you like it ! :)

E I G H T

Harry slowly removed Louis from his lap, and started pacing around his room. He stopped. “Where were you?” He questioned, he was calm but terrifying. And Louis could feel himself start to shake. Especially as Harry wouldn’t meet his eyes. Harry being angry, made Louis terrified. It was yet another warning sign that he was too deep with Harry, but of course. He didn’t listen.

“I- I couldn’t see you Harry, I was too scared you would hate me.” Louis wasn’t lying, and Harry could see it on his face. But that didn’t stop him from being disappointed. He could feel his chest tightening, and the air struggling in his lungs. As much as Harry couldn’t admit it, he needed Louis. He couldn’t survive without him. “Get out” Harry stated coldly. Louis was taken aback, he didn’t expect that. Out of all the responses he expected from Harry, he didn’t expect that.

“I SAID GET THE FUCK OUT” Harry roared. Louis was terrified. He couldn’t understand why Harry was acting like this. But he didn’t want to stay around and find out why. He slowly backed away, and he felt like a dog with their tail between their legs. He could hear Zayn snickering as he left their flat. Louis couldn’t look him in the eyes. He was too embarrassed. He thought he felt so much for Harry, he felt like Harry liked him back. Maybe he was wrong, maybe he misjudged it all. He felt tears pricking the back of his eyes, as he ran to his car. He would be lying if he said the rain wasn’t mixed with his tears, and he sat in his car and cried for what felt like forever.

What felt like hours had passed, but in reality only minutes had passed, when he heard a tapping at the window of his car, hurriedly wiping his eyes and rolling the window down, Louis looked into the moonlight, when a tanned face came into view. “Zayn” Louis croaked,“What are you doing here?” Zayn moved around the car and stepped into the passenger seat. Louis brow furrowed in confusion even more. Zayn sighed and turned to Louis he could see the serious glint that twinkled in his eye. “I wanted to talk to you about Harry.” Louis was confused, well when it came to Harry he felt like he was always confused. That boy was a walking mess.

“Harry...” Zayn started, he could tell that whatever he was about to say, this would be hard for Zayn to speak about, but Louis was on the edge of his seat, he wanted to know what Zayn was going to say.

“Harry has had a rough time in his life...”

Ever since he was a small child Harry hadn’t been quite right, he just wasn’t the same as everyone else, whilst everyone else basked in the sunlight, Harry hid in the darkness with a sick smile always on his face.His mum never understood, she didn’t understand the way that Harrys thoughts were spiralling around his head, and sometimes they were too loud. Gemma did though. Gemma always did. Gemma always knew how Harry was feeling with a silent conversation with their eyes. Harry had never felt love before. Except from Gemma. She was the only exception, and Harry would have done anything for her.

So he did.

He was the one that hid her slowly building pile of drugs for her.

He was the one that cared for her, when she came back from a party with her eyes rolled slightly too far back into her head. For most people that would deter them from taking drugs. But that just spurred Harry on more, because underneath the stumbling and the twitching every now and then. Gemma was happy. And all Harry wanted was to be happy. So he thought Gemma wouldn’t notice if a small amount of her weed went missing every now and again. After all Harry was the one hiding it. She did.

She was livid.

But she still let Harry tag along, and got Harry into the harder stuff, but only when Gemma introduced him to it. You could say that Gemma was his downfall, and in the end she technically was, but not in the way you would expect.

Harry was happier than he’d ever had been, and that was about the time that Zayn had moved to the school, and Harry had befriended him, he was the only person that wanted to be Zayn’s friend, he saw through all his piercings and saw him for who he was, but then again he had piercings too, so he never could really judge him.

He was 14 when it happened.

Harry never retold anyone what happened in detail except from Zayn, in some way it helped him, but it made Zayn sick to his stomach.

Harry was round Zayns, they weren’t doing anything bad, Zayn wasn't into drugs back then, so they were just playing video games, when he got a phone call, it was Gemma.

His face went pale, and his eyes turn foggy, like he went into another world, the only other time he’s had that look, is when he burns something.

Zayn found out later on, that Gemma never said anything specifically, but when he picked up the phone, all he could hear was the screaming that was on the other line, it was his sister, his mother, and his father.

Harry then immediately left, without saying goodbye, he bolted out the door.

He was never the same after that.

Once Harry had reached his house, he saw his house being engulfed in flames, Harry told Zayn, that it was the first time that he had seen something burn properly, other than a contained fire.

Harry knew it, like an instinct. He knew exactly where his family was. When he got inside. It was silent. The fire was infecting his lungs, but Harry didn’t care, all he cared about was his family. Gemma. She was Harrys priority, and as he was running around the house screaming for her, as the flames wrapped around him, his stomach went uneasy.He knew he didn’t have long left, before he collapsed, before he joined them, because in his mind. He knew.

He found Gemma, by the cause of the fire, a blunt that had caught fire to her bedsheets, Gemmas eyes were rolled back into her head, and her body was charred. He couldn’t even cry. He couldn’t. He couldn’t leave like Gemma, he had to live. For her. He slowly picked her up, trying to avoid the fire. He started running out of the house as he coughed up his lungs on the grass a safe distance away from the house.

He rang 999 and told them the situation, and within minutes, there were all different types of emergency service vehicles surrounding him and the house. He was being checked over by a paramedic, when he saw it. When he saw them. they were being rolled out with a white sheet covering their bodies, but they’d forgotten to cover their faces, as Harry saw his parents, not looking like his parents, being rolled away, at the age of 14. Harry had seen his parents and his sister die. And he felt like it was all his fault.

He avoided Zayn for a while, he was unable to look at him. Because when he saw the kind smile that Zayn shot in his direction, all Harry could see was Gemma. But slowly, over time, he met Niall, and we all already know how how Niall and Harry met.

Harry slowly dealt. In his own way he dealt. By releasing all the pressure through drugs, and fire. Harry felt like he was finally getting over his fear of fire. Because after that day Harry couldn’t look at fire for a while. He couldn’t feel anything. He was numb. Numb from the drugs. But that was Harrys false sense of happiness. But Harry grasped it with both hands, and clung onto it. And still does to this day. He chases the high. Not because he enjoys it. But because for a while, it silences those thoughts. It silences the screaming that he hears when he tries to sleep.

It blocked the eyes of Gemma, scowling at him like when he took the drugs, for kissing Louis. It was never Louis that was the issue. It was Gemma. She was haunting Harry. And Harry had never been shown real love. So he had bottled Gemma inside of him. And when Harry stopped taking the drugs. And his thoughts started screaming inside of him. She was always there. Swirling inside of his head. And Harry didn’t know how to stop it.

He just wanted the screaming to stop.


	10. N I N E

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This was what he lived for.
> 
> This was his life.
> 
> To be honest, he was okay with it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HELLO !
> 
> i promised i haven't disappeared
> 
> i just lost all motivation for this story
> 
> however i think what i am going to do is start writing shorter chapters and be able to get them out quicker and hopefully not lose motivation.  
> Thank you for all your continued support (if you are even still reading this) 
> 
> as always comments and kudos are greatly appreciated 
> 
> \- Charlie <3

Louis felt his mouth go dry and a tear slip out of his eyelid.

He never knew.

He thought he had read Harry's case file, but obviously not all of it.

Louis didn't know what overtook him, as he felt trembles overtake his body, and he felt sick to his stomach. Zayn knew though, because Zayn had felt exactly the same when Harry had told him, Zayn unlocked the car and slowly carried Louis out of it and into his flat, he couldn't risk him driving home like the sobbing mess he is currently.

When Zayn entered the house with Louis in his arms, all he heard was silence. Complete silence. He knew Harry had to be somewhere, he didn't see Harry leave and it wasn't like he could jump out of their penthouse flat. That was why it worried him, Harry is never silent when he's alone, Zayn knows better than anyone that Harry had to have noise in order to drown out the thoughts in his mind. Zayn felt unease bubbling in his stomach as he set a now passed out Louis on the sofa, he quietly started creeping round the flat, hoping he wouldn't find what he thinks he might.

Zayn was pleasantly surprised as he entered Harry's bedroom, and the boy was curled in his bed asleep with headphones in his ears.

Zayn breathed a sigh of relief.

He turned Harry into the recovery position, just in case, and went back to turn is attention to Louis

What Zayn didn’t know is that Harry wasnt asleep, and he was just waiting to convince Zayn he was. Harry isn't stupid, he is far from it, he is extremely clever, he knows that when Harry is upset or angry, Zayn does his regular check on Harry exactly 30 minutes before he went to bed, but Harry left it an hour just to be safe.

He didn't however plan for a Louis Tomlinson to be thrown into the mix.

He slowly crept out of bed, and picked up his bag which had his usual supplies for when Harry wanted his fix of arson.

He walked out of his room and stopped dead in his tracks when he saw the short brunette stood over the kettle.

Harry’s heart started to do palpitations, he knew that Louis knew he committed all the arsons, but he couldn't just walk towards him and say "Hi Louis I don't know why you are here but I’m going to go and set things on fire now."

But obviously, Harry being Harry didn’t realise that he had in fact said it out loud. He realized as he saw the look of horror that crossed Louis face, little did Harry know, that it wasn’t shock that was written over Louis face, but sympathy. Harry never was good at reading facial expressions.

Harry realized the severity of his error and he did what he did best. He ran.

He bolted out of the door. Not even looking back at Louis regretful face, as he went on the hunt for something new to set alight.

Louis was stood in a state of shock. Did Harry really just say that? Louis could hand him in right now. He wouldn’t. He knew he wouldn’t. He was too smitten for the curly haired boy with flames in his eyes and danger in his heart.

If he was being honest with himself.

Louis Tomlinson was fucked.

Harry had found it, the perfect place to release all of his pent up anger. It was an old beat up car. But to Harry it was perfect.

He slowly took out a spliff and lit the end of it; he slowly started strolling around the car, as if he had all the time in the world. Because he did. He knew Louis wouldn’t come after him, he hadn’t before, so why would he now. He started pouring gasoline all over the car, and when he had nearly finished his smoke, he threw it into the car along with a match. He had a twinkle that ignited in his eye when he ignited a fire, he felt a fire bubbling in his belly, he didn’t know what that feeling was, however he knew he enjoyed it, and as the fire burnt higher and higher and the smoke wrapped around his lugs, he felt the drugs kick in.

The way his hunched shoulders uncurled and he felt his heartbeat slow to an average pace, the fires making Harry’s heart beat erratically almost out of his chest.

This was what he lived for.

This was his life.

To be honest, he was okay with it.


	11. T E N

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry whispered in Zayn’s ear “What am I going to do Z”
> 
> Zayn whispered back, “I don’t know H, I honestly don’t know”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, New chapter!!  
> Hope you enjoy!!

**Pain.**

That was all Harry felt when he woke up. A white searing hot pain spreading down his arm, he was originally confused about what it was, but then he remembered last night.

_Harry walked in to the flat, his pupils blown wide and crazy with excitement, he felt his heart drumming against his ribcage, the adrenalin pumping through his veins, he was high, on both drugs and excitement, that he forgot Louis was still at their flat._

_He stopped in his tracks as he notices the brunet male curled on his sofa watching something on TV._

_He coughed and he saw Louis tense in his seat as he turned to face Harry._

_“Hi” Louis said, “Have fun?” Harry snorted and walked past him into the kitchen before pouring a glass of water and coming to sit down next to Louis on the sofa. Louis smiled at him and Harry looked across at him confused. “You’re not that bad did you know that?” Harry froze. No one had ever given him a compliment before, how was he supposed to reply?_

_So Harry did what he did best, and he avoided the question “Why didn’t you visit me Louis?” Louis felt like that question had been permanently written on his head with sharpie marker._

_Louis was at a loss for words, he didn’t know what to say. Why didn’t he visit Harry, not even he knew. How could he answer Harry, when he didn’t even know himself?_

_He felt like a fish, his mouth constantly opening and closing, trying to find the correct words._

_He sighed._

_“I don’t know harry, I really don’t know.”_

_Harry stood up to go to his room, not wanting to deal with the conversation he had started, when he felt a small hand grip his forearm._

_“Wait”_

_Harry wasn’t quite sure what happened then, all that he remembered was the ending, him and Louis curled up together Louis head on Harry’s bare chest, their limbs tangled together, they hadn’t done anything explicit, but it was intimate. Oh so intimate. The feather light touches Harry graced over Louis scalp and down his arm, lit up goose bumps wherever he touched._

_At some point between four in the morning, the touches stopped as the duo fell asleep._

Harry looked over to his left side, and saw Louis face squished against his arm. That will be why it hurts.

He slowly managed to untangle his limbs from Louis as he went into the kitchen to get a glass of water and paracetamol.

Louis walked into the kitchen around ten minutes later and started making everyone tea.

It was a stark contrast to the screaming match that had happened a few days previously.

When Zayn finally arose around one in the afternoon, he walked out to Harry and Louis sat on the sofa together watching a film.

Zayn didn’t know what he expected this morning. However this was definitely not it.

Zayn came and sat next to Harry, still slightly wary of Louis and his intentions, Zayn could forgive, but he would never forget.

Harry turned and smiled at him, however he immediately frowned at the forced smile Zayn had put on.

Harry had managed to find time when it was just him and Zayn, as it seemed that Louis didn’t know when he was overstaying his welcome.

It was finally just him and Zayn.

Harry pulled him in for a hug, and for the first time in a long time, they both broke down crying.

Sometimes this was necessary just to cry. Just because Zayn and Harry were the ‘big bad guys’ doesn’t mean that they can’t have emotions.

Harry whispered in Zayn’s ear “What am I going to do Z”

Zayn whispered back, “I don’t know H, I honestly don’t know”

Harry Styles was fucked.

He was in too deep.

And he wasn’t sure he could crawl back out of the black hole of his life.

He was slowly sinking under and dragging Louis and Zayn in with Him.

He didn’t want that, he really didn’t.

But that might be what happens.

Harry wasn’t sure if he would be able to stop it if it got too far.

Meanwhile, Louis was in almost in the exact same position, crying on his best friend Liam’s shoulder.

Liam had started looking at Louis weirdly, almost sympathetically after he started seeing Harry more often. He never had thought to ask.

“Thank you for this Payno really.” Liam gave him a tight lipped and forced smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes. However Louis was so swamped with emotions that he didn’t even realise.

And as both of the boys felt so utterly lost. The sky grew darker, along with their emotions. Both of them seemingly far apart. But extremely close together.

Harry didn’t know if he could cope.

Louis thought coping was the worst thing in the world. He wanted Harry, he didn’t want to be his friend. He wanted to be his everything.

But would Harry want the same?


	12. E L E V E N

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He just wanted to go home.  
> Harry was home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! Sorry for not updating in ages i had like 3 chapters written and they just disappeared so i got really angry and stopped writing for a bit haha
> 
> hope you enjoy, please leave comments + kudos!!  
> or if you want to send me a message about the fic  
> instagram: @charliejones4505  
> twitter: @charliejones45

Louis walked up the stairs to Zayn’s and Harry’s flat, he had to do this.

He had to talk to Harry.

He had to tell him-

He stopped outside of the door with his mouth hanging open.

Their door was wide open and as Louis peered inside, he saw something he wasn’t sure he ever wanted to see in his life.

Harry and Zayn, with loads of other friends with drugs strewn across their living room table, but for once that was the issue, I was the fact that Zayn and Harry were sat on said sofa kissing.

Louis felt like he could hear his heart shatter into a million pieces, he could feel it being torn out of his body and stomped on by Harry and his stupid Chelsea boots. That’s what he was. Stupid. Louis however was not stupid, he knew that Harry had never explicitly said that they were a thing. However when all Louis could remember were the soft touches that they shared a few nights prior. Louis couldn’t believe it had meant nothing to Harry. He couldn’t and he wasn’t going to.

Meanwhile, Harry and Zayn were having the time of their lives. They couldn.t remember their names as they were so high, and in their opinions that was the best time.

Meanwhile, Louis could feel his heart in pieces, and he realised that the way he felt, Harry didn’t reciprocate.

**Sometimes cupid runs out of arrows and shoots one instead of two.**

Louis could feel hot tears rolling out of his eyes he felt like his whole body was being ripped apart. All because of Harry fucking Styles.

He couldn’t believe himself about how naïve he had been and then everything came crashing down at once as he sobbed harder and harder at his flat.

**He wasn’t in love with Harry, he was in love with the Harry that he had created in his head.**

**That was when the world stopped turning and the stars didn’t seem so bright** , and all Louis could think of was those green eyes that stared in to his soul.

It had been three days and Louis still hadn’t left his flat, too engrossed in his own problems, that was until he heard a sharp knock at his door.

Louis was going to do what he had been doing over the past three days and ignore it. However for some reason he didn’t, he felt like this time would be different.

He opened the door, and Zayn was stood there and Louis didn’t try to conceal his shock.

“What the fuck are you doing here?” he sneered at Zayn he let his anger consume him.

Zayn looked taken aback, he hadn’t expected this reaction from Louis.

“I was just wondering if you’re alright mat you haven’t stopped by in a few days, and I know you’ve become quite fond of Harry.”

Shit.

Louis hadn’t realised it had been that obvious.

He immediately closed the door on Zayn’s face, not sure what to do.

He turned on Spotify and the sounds of take me to church was flowing through his phone, as once again tears were rolling down his face and he couldn’t stop the waterfall.

**He just wanted to go home.**

**Harry was home.**

_My lovers got humour_

Harry was sat in his bed staring at the wall

_She’s the giggle at a funeral_

He could feel the tears building up in his eyes

_Knows everybody’s disapproval_

He wasn’t sure he had any more tears to let out

_I should’ve worshiped her sooner_

He couldn’t let Louis be dragged into his life

_If the heaven’s ever did speak_

There was no way he would let Louis be as bad as him

_She’s the last true mouthpiece_

He would never forgive himself

_Every Sundays getting more bleak_

He had to do something

_A fresh poison each week_

He knew Louis would come over

_“We were born sick” heard them say it_

He knew Louis would see him and Zayn

_My church offers no absolutes_

He couldn’t let Louis get too deep

_She tells me worship in the bedroom_

He knew the only way to get Louis away

_The only heaven I’ll be sent to_

Would be to break his heart.

_Is when I’m alone with you_

**Maybe cupid did shoot two arrows**

**But maybe cupid shot them at the wrong time**

**And the stars didn’t align**

**And Hary and Louis weren’t meant to be**

However their webs were now too intertwined

It seemed that everyone aside from Harry and Louis knew that this would never be the end

They were both parallels,

Sat on their bed staring at a wall, Hoziers voice attempting to fill the missing space where their heart was supposed to be

Tears running down their faces

As they both thought

**What have I done?**


	13. T W E L V E

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Louis was fine, he honestly was.  
> He had also become a compulsive liar.  
> So he really wasn’t okay.

**It was three months later.**

Louis was fine, he honestly was.

He had also become a compulsive liar.

So he really wasn’t okay. 

He could only ever get out of bed for work, and even that was a struggle that took longer than it used to. He felt like everywhere he went he could see Harry’s emerald eyes following him around everywhere.

He was constantly on edge whenever he was at work, just in case that any case he was put on would be with Harry. Luckily he never had yet, although he did think that was kind of weird, as there always was whispers of Harry Styles around the office and for three months there had been no word of him. But Louis was keeping up his appearance and he wasn’t going to talk about Harry. Ever again.

“But why won’t Harry want to see me Liam” Louis slurred as he was leaning on Liam.

Liam has had to put up with this for the last three months.

He was also constantly on edge in case Harry came bursting in to his house, like he had constantly been doing over the last few years.

Liam felt sorry for Louis as Harry had seemed to bounce back pretty quickly.

Or at least that was what he showed to everyone around him.

In reality Harry was a mess.

He felt guilt constantly pouring out of him; he didn’t want to have to do that to Louis however he knew he wasn’t able to let it go any further he couldn’t promise Louis the relationship he deserved.

Harry was blocking his emotions with the only was he knew how.

_Drugs_

Zayn wasn’t complaining.

They were always smoking something and they always had a few other drugs that made their pupils dilate.

However Harry couldn’t bring himself to burn anything every time he did he was reminded of Louis and his blue eyes that always held so much sympathy. Harry felt like Louis eyes would forever be tattooed on his soul. Everywhere he looked, Louis was staring back at him, and Harry couldn’t cope with it anymore. Sometimes not even the drugs could block out the emotions that clawed at his insides.

They finally cross paths in one of the most mysterious ways, or in reality, not a mysterious way at all.

Liam Payne’s house.

Louis was there because Liam was a fellow police officer, and it felt like his house was the only respite he had from the forest eyes he felt follow his every move.

Louis felt like all he did was cry these days, and realistically that was probably all he did.

He felt bad for Liam because he was constantly taking Louis emotions, and he never complained about the countless times he had turned up at Liam’s doorstep with tears in his eyes and a bottle of wine in his hand.

In reality Liam Payne was terrified, he had never told Louis that he secretly helped Harry; he knew Louis wouldn’t be able to handle it.

Harry knew. Of course he did. Harry knew everything and everyone. Liam would be surprised if he didn’t.

Since the situation with Louis, Harry had completely surrounded himself with Niall Horan and his group of drug dealers, and he had started selling for Niall, alongside the tattoo parlour.

It started small. Just a little bit of weed, but as Harry knew first hand.

Once you start it’s hard to stop.

That was how Harry had found himself outside of Liam’s house, a bag of coke tucked inside of his jacket pocket as he grabbed the key from under the mat outside and unlocked the door and waltzed inside like he always did.

However this time what he saw wasn’t what he expected. He saw a red eyed Louis curled up next to Liam who was sat with his mouth hanging open in shock at Harry’s presence.

Harry stood still for a second, taking in the scene before him, before his body caught up in his mind, and he faced Liam.

“I’ve got what you ordered.”

Liam immediately sprung up from the sofa and said to Harry, “Kitchen?”

Harry just shrugs his shoulders and walks into the kitchen, Louis watching the pair in confusion.

What Liam didn’t know is that Louis quietly followed behind, wanting to know what the pair was up to.

However as Louis was following behind them he could feel his heart break once more, he just wanted to know why Harry was ignoring him, breaking his heart that he had just started to glue back together.

“How much is it this week?” Liam asked, “50 just like usual” Louis eyes widened, what was Liam paying Harry for, and how did they even know each other?

Liam gave Harry the money, and out of the pocket of his jacket, Harry passed over the cocaine.

Louis couldn’t believe his eyes.

Liam?

Drugs?

Harry?

So many questions were spiralling through his mind but he could see that Liam and Harry were done so he rushed back to the front room and resumed the position he was in earlier.

Harry hadn’t even looked at him.

Until he did.

Just as Harry was leaving he glanced at Louis, and Louis could see that Harry’s eyes were red raw from tears. Louis was confused.

This was all his fault why was he upset.

As Harry left,

_He wondered where everything went wrong, all they were was strangers who pushed past each other on the streets, but their words engraved on their hearts._


End file.
